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Last Saturday, I took five kids (and their moms) to the "happiest place on earth". We spent over ten hours together, waiting in lines, riding rides, screaming our heads off, enjoying each others company.
The day before our Disneyland trip, I had a lot on my mind. Work was extremely busy and I was getting more involved in various hobbies. Then out of the blue, I received an email from an ex-boyfriend, apologizing for misbehavior and wrongs made in our past relationship. The abrupt contact with this person jolted my emotions, evoking certain thoughts and feelings I thought I had adequately quelled. Needless to say, I just wanted to enjoy Saturday to the utmost, with few distractions as possible.
We were a few hours into our day and it was two in the afternoon. At this point, the kids had only ridden a couple of rides but none of them struck their fancy. We made our way over to Tomorrowland where the kids gawked over Autopia - the idea of driving your very own car (and driving someone ten years your senior) was captivating. We rode it once and they had the time of their lives.
"I love that ride!"
"That's the best ride ever!"
"Can we go again?"
Being that larger attractions like Indiana Jones or Matterhorn were closed that day, I wanted them to try other attractions. I could think of many other rides that were bigger, better and.. badder. Plus, we had all day to go back to Autopia.
But the kids insisted. Yanking my arm, their faces scrunched up as they did their best to plead with me. It was so fun to drive the car, they said. You even get your own license! They begged and pleaded for a good five minutes.
I love Autopia too but I didn't get it. It's such a short ride and all you do is drive on a track. Plus, you don't even go that fast. All my explanations were rejected. They seemed not to want to believe it was worth it to try something else. I ended up convincing them to move on, but not before promising to them that we would come back later.
The day went on and as promised, by 11:30 pm at night, we went back to Autopia, making it the final ride of the night. On our way out of the park, I asked the kids what their favorite ride was. Space Mountain, one yelled. The Buzz Ride, said another. I wanted to tell them, "See? Aren't you glad we didn't spend all day at Autopia?"
After everyone was dropped off, I drove home in silence, thinking about the day and all that we had done. I was still amused by their love for Autopia when it hit me that in many ways, I was similar.
Until a few months ago, I had been holding onto my last relationship, mulling over the faults of each party, examining interactions and conversations. The logical side of me was trying to make sense of everything while the emotional side was still trying to interpret a stale situation. And then I realized - there is more to life than Autopia.
Like the kids, I thought what I had was a great. Something too good to give up, even if it wasn't the best and baddest thing out there. In my limited perspective, I would fail to see what else was out there. That out there exists someone who is "not perfect but perfect for me." I feared the unknown but worse, I did not trust myself to know that what I had was not good enough and what I could have was much better.
God is telling us to loosen our grip on the things we have held onto so tightly. He is asking us to trust Him, that He will provide something "better and badder" - we have yet to see! If we remain so completely fixated on Autopia, we will never experience anything beyond it.
When we trust His love for us and His desire to see us acquire true happiness, we can let go of things we don't even need. Even if we have convinced ourselves that we need or want them. By loosening clenched fists, we can hold hands with something else. And trust me, it will be better.
