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From INHERITANCE Issue #3 - Fall 2009
I’m going to be completely honest. I’m probably the last person in the world you should be talking to about relationships. I have a fear of commitment, self-image issues, and my track record of past relationships wouldn’t fill a post-it note. I’m a full-time resident of the “friend zone” and I’ve been voted for the “Least Likely to Leave ... Ever” award. And there are times that I really believe God has bestowed upon me the gift of unwanted celibacy.
No, such a thing doesn’t exist. And I’m just going to have to face the fact that maybe relationships aren’t my forte.
So why are you reading this right now, if I’ve just openly admitted that I’m no Casanova? This would basically be like you listening to a 3rd grader lecture you in your AP Calculus class. This is like your dog teaching you how to beg for a treat. Why would you even listen to anything I would have to say about a subject that I’ve consistently failed in? Why don’t you just go ask an expert?
Because there is no such thing.
It’s true. No pastor, pickup artist, or Dr. Phil has the end-all, be-all solution for successful relationships. No advice is full-proof nor is it universal.
But you see, that’s exactly what makes life so exciting. If someone managed to give you some secret piece of advice that was applicable for any situation or person, then I would say we’re living in a pretty boring world. God has bigger plans than that. In the same way that He created us all uniquely different physically, so He created us different in relationships and love.
In Christian circles, this can get pretty tough. Because as a Christian, many of us hold a slightly higher standard in relationships; mainly, it’s for the long haul. Christians are encouraged to look for the long-term relationship — we’re in it to win it. And that places the stakes a lot higher than someone merely looking to date around.
But even pastors can struggle with relationships, along with theologians, seminarians, elders, etc. Being a good Christian does not make you a relationship guru. It makes sense when you think about it: there is no dating guidebook in the Bible. The closest thing we have is Song of Solomon and even that’s a bit dated. “Like two fawns” ... really? I’m not going to impress any girl with that. So what are we to do? How do we learn?
We learn from each other. There is no such thing as expert advice. But what we can do is hear each other’s stories, take what we can from them, and integrate them into our own outlook on relationships. Not to copy a person’s style or history, but to take advice from each story heard and imbed the lessons learned into our own hearts.
In this issue, we cover a range of topics that many of us have dealt with. From singleness to non-Christian dating, these are all issues that we can’t afford to avoid in our society. It’s important to know as Christians how to handle such topics and more importantly, know your own personal stance and outlook on it.
As Brett Yee gives his own story on dating his now-Christian fiancée, I’ve learned to be more compassionate and understanding. As Jerome Gaw touches on singleness, I learn the value of patience and faith. These are all universal truths that I can integrate into my own life. So in that, I learn to be a better person, the more I learn about relationships- even if I don’t score a relationship of my own.
So, please don’t expect to find yourself in a successful and perfect dating situation after reading this issue. But plan on learning important tips and life lessons from the experiences of your peers, seniors, and friends inside. In the end, a healthy, successful relationship can only be given to us by God — it can’t be worked for or earned.
So until then be patient. Sit back, relax, and curl up with a good magazine.